My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i will never coherently bang her
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
