you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
