i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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