on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I deserve this hangover.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
