you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
