Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize