First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
