Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am naked and annoyed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
