I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Terrible idea I love it
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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