there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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