just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
