I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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