god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
