third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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