I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
