Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
