Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize