my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
