So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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