no, he came in my armpit
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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