i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
