Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Randomize
