U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
