I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I take back everything I said about communal showers
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
