I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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