the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize