We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
its liver damage thursday
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
