he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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