ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
