I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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