I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
