i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
