3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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