Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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