just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
