You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
