I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
