Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
