This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just found puke in my bra..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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