I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
