Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
