Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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