Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
