Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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