awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
