My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
