Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You made out with two different species that night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
