can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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