what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
