hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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