just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
