Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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