you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
