i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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