I wish you could order shots online.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
