Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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