mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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