I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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