He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I should be sponsored by Trojan
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
