My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
