dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
