i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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