break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
