I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
