I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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